I was always looking for THE THING. It is incredible to see that I always nourished somewhere in my head the illusion of being able to say one day this is it! The illusion of finding the solution for all my problems. This is what droved me through my life till now. This is what gave me the energy to break any barrier to overcome any obstacle. This was my source of energy and inspiration. Even now while I am writing I spot the feeling of finally finding my happiness, my inner peace. This is it! This is it!
On the other hand this was the source of being unhappy, unsatisfied. Yes, each time when I was unhappy it was a disappointment of not finding an ever lasting solution to my problems. Always after saying this is it came disappointment. Somehow I was always ending below my expectations.So what did I actually discover now if this could not be again the thing?
I discovered the status quo, I discovered I should be happy now. I discovered the acceptance as another source of energy. No more relying only on ending the past and starting the future. You are welcome to this life, please enjoy it. I feel I am now with the flow I feel now connected to myself. I am freshly waked up, the kids are sleeping, the house is quiet, I feel relaxed, I am in the zone. Am I happy? No.
If I would end this article as I normally do with this is it I would be doing the same mistake again, connecting to the illusion of discovering my way to happiness. Yes THIS IS IT :-))))) I was always living in the near future. I was never trying to find the happiness in the present. I was just looking to do something to become happy. Because I never looked for happiness, being happy. My engine was frustration, unfulfillment, failure. The need of getting out, changing, starting something new, ending the past, changing habits. I was answering always to the question: What shall I do/change to be happy? I never accepted the status quo as a part of my life, a part of my happiness … I never accepted I do the best I can do now, because I always „knew” I could have done it better. This was my mantra …
So what’s next? … next is now and now is past and future in the same time. Am I happy? No. Happiness is an energy. If I chase to be happy only when I am not happy I will end again one day being again unhappy. Am I happy? Yes, I am happy, as happy as I am right now. I can be more happy and I can be less happy. I can be more or less from everything (fulfillment, prower, love etc)
I always misunderstood life when I was declaring I was not happy. THIS IS IT! Life is a river I swim in. I can swim for a while against the stream or I can swim powerful with the stream or simply go with the flow.
Here a visual of my happiness writing this article.