Rage

I deeply believe that each one of us has a generous reservoir of outstanding qualities inside him but only a few discover it. The younger you are the easier is to find the way to this reservoir. People are born with the natural need to learn. Children don’t play, they discover, they try, they test. This is the way to find their perfection.

Knowing and following your real NEEDS is the key to happiness and to your beautiful and outstanding self!

As you grow older you start getting lost in other people needs, adopting other people limitations and impose them to yourselves. And the worst is that people believe this is it, this is their limited life and so they lived limited ever after

I was raised in a society where individual NEED was not important. I was raised by my mother and father who were products of that society. I love my parents and spend time with them as much as I can. They did their best to raise 2 perfect children. They always knew what is right and wrong for their children!

I was rarely asked what do I need. I was allays explained what is right and what is wrong. I was gratified when I performed right. I was punished (with explanations) when I was wrong. I never felt unfair because they explained me with love why am I punished or not.

So how could I learn when learning was a MUST? My need was ignored! How could I discover myself when everything was mandatory? I never felt free to decide, to show my need. My parents fear of raising a looser made them choose always for myself and gave me the possibility to choose only to do or not to do as THEY say. I was distracted from the real choice „do I like playing with history, numbers, languages, …?” to the choice „shall I follow everybody and learn or not?”

I was always frustrated not being asked about my need. So, I always chose to do against the rules! You don’t give me the liberty to choose than you will see! Unconsciously I promised myself I will fulfill all my family wishes without obeying the rule! I will show them that „my way” is a better way! So, I did all (study, career, family, …)  and expected their appreciation which never came.

I stopped this rush a few years ago and I realized I am far, far away of myself. I realized that I accumulated rage, tones of rage I didn’t know about. I was raised to learn to ignore my real need which is the way to discover myself and my happiness! I was forced to enter an education designed for a single king of person … I didn’t fit in. I started to believe that my need is to be against the rules. I simply focused most of my energy in the wrong direction. Unconsciously I accumulated endless rage adopting this fake ways to my needs.

Now I finally see this rage and I stop this waste of energy. I am happy having this opportunity to meet it, release it, let it disappear. I can now learn to connect to my real needs and express them. I can finally be aware of this link between my needs, my happiness and myself! I feel free.

I have 2 children and my commitment to them is that I will always give them the opportunity to express their needs and  give them the freedom to accomplish them.

 

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