I attended last Thursday a Nonviolent Communication course. The theory is about how to identifying your needs and how to give your communication partner the possibility to identify his. We fulfill our needs or we don’t and this is the cause of our positive or negative feelings.
I asked why does my 3 years boy cry when I leave him in the kindergarten and how shall I act to make him understand my needs. Discussing with the trainer I realized the following, my child needs to feel safe and my need is him to be safe and happy. I also realized that my experience in the childhood with the kindergarten was a similar one. I was always crying and afraid that my parents will not come back to pick me up.
I believe that our children choose to appear in our life because they want to show us the way we are and to help us to solve our problems. I profoundly believe that I am deeply connected to my children and MY feelings are obviously visible in THEIR behavior.
The solution was so simple I couldn’t believe before doing it. Empathize with yourself and then empathize with him! Next day in the kindergarten I was preparing to leave and my child started to cry. I embraced him as usually but this time I was present not to my need to go to the office and see my child happy but to myself and my child! I was present to my fear a few decades ago when I was going to kindergarten. I was present to what my child was mirroring me, I was there, I was present to that moment … and after a few minutes, seconds he was OK, ready to stay in the kindergarten. He delivered me one of the lessons he is here to deliver to his father. I was there, I was present to me and him, I was a brilliant student 🙂
Here my drawing in the Nonviolent Communication course before the experience.
I empathize with yourself and II empathize with the other.
